I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
