so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My ass is underappreciated
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
