im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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