I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
