Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
