Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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