Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
