I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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