im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
