i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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