I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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