All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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