so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
