At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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