I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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