You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
