I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
