R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
