I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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