none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
