seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
