So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
