We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
