At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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