theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i will never coherently bang her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
