I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
