we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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