My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
