so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
