if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
