We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was born a porn star she said
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
