she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
