Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
