I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
