While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
