Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
