The best revenge is premature balding
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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