you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this boner is exhausting
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
