I skipped work to stalk him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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