I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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