ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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