I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
