You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
