I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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