turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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