I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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