It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize