and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
