I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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