i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
