i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
