Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
