Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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