Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
