i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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