Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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