I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
