i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize