I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
