I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
