apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
