Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
