Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
