i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
