I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
