so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
