he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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